kismaayo:

job interviewer: so…tell me a little about yourself :)
me: sure. i’m a virgo, INTJ, i love tank tops oh my god did you see the Anaconda video? that changed my life!
interviewer: bitch me too! the fuck. you got the job

highkeygay:

HE TOSS MY SALAD LIKE HIS NAME ROMAINE

highkeygay:

HE TOSS MY SALAD LIKE HIS NAME ROMAINE

me: *walks up to a group of middle schoolers skateboarding*
me: lemme show you a trick or two
middle schoolers: *hand me a board*
me: this one's called stealing
me: *runs away with it*

radsturbate:

how the soft grinch☯ stole christmas

hyperspaceprincess:

when youre desperate to see if someone is hot

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File under:
#food
starbucks cashier: how can i help you
me: i summon hazelnut latte in attack position. i activate the magic card "size grande" and apply it to my coffee. hazelnut latte allows me to special summon a cheese danish from the dessert section and set it in defense position. i set credit card face down and end my turn.

silenthill:

god i hope my son is a 90s kid or i’ll throw him into the garbage

beyonseh:

when you’re in class and the group of people behind you won’t shut up

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going to bed at 9 for sure

tishue:

For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.